User talk:XxSugar SkullzxX
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the El Chavo del Ocho Lost Episode page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Jay ten (talk) 15:43, September 27, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:26, September 27, 2015 (UTC) RE: The links included above and this one should help clear up some of your confusion. Your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards due to a number of punctuation, capitalization, wording, grammatical (it's=it is, its=possession), and story issues. I would suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop for feedback/assistance. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:27, September 27, 2015 (UTC) Starting with the basics, the title is incorrectly capitalized and a majority of the paragraphs need to be more broken up. A typical paragraph is 5-10 sentences. Any more and it's difficult to read and blocky, Capitalization: ""You know," Sighing (sighing/sighed) the brunette", ""You don't understand mema (Mema).... He was just being such a, Oh (oh)! I don't know! A Fucking (fucking) Hypocrite (hypocrite)!"", ""Hmm.... The bus is early today..."", "Pale (pale) ass", "Fully Aware (aware) of what he meant.", "But I was too late. a (A)waterfall of black paint covered her from head to toe." etc. Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "My nerves reached it's peak" Wording: There are a lot of awkwardly written sentences here. ""You know," Sighing the brunette comes to a stop, turning to look the by passer in the face.", "Storming off, she shakes her head. she mumbles under her breath a few choice words after leaving the pastor's son speechless.", " I felt dizzy, but managing to keep my consciousness, I turned to see some random girl holding half of one of the tabled pieces." Redundancy issues: "First came a shove, to which I fell face first into the pavement. I could feel the metallic taste of blood on my tongue, to which (redundant) made me cringe" Misspellings "Yea (Yeah), I know, original." Punctuation: ""Savanna(,) you really should reconsider what you've done with your hair", "Screaming(,) I feel my anxiety kick in", " Shaking her head she smiled(punctuation missing) "I still can't believe my baby is growing up...", etc. Story issues: Your story shifts from present to past tense. "Turning her head at the sound of her Mema's voice, she gulps." to "Days had passed since then, and to be honest I got over it." You also shifted perspectives without giving any indication. You have multiple dialogue occurring in the same paragraph. " "So why are you so happy J.C.?" She clapped her hands and squealed(,) "Chase asked me to Prom (prom)!" I sigh (sighed), "Congrats!"" Dialogue should be spaced out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. The story is incredibly generic and the bullies are one dimensional. It also cribs major elements from "Carrie". Finally, this feels more like a teenage angst story with murder thrown in at the end. It doesn't feel like a creepy pasta due to a lack of atmosphere or horror element. Those were a few of the issues that were present in your story. It's not all of them as that would require much more time to list them all out. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:41, September 27, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:33, October 26, 2017 (UTC)